Are You Able to Forgive Without an Apology

Last month I posted an inquiry to my Instastories regarding the ability or inability to forgive someone without receiving an apology. When I created that post, it was a very real question. A question that some may have glossed over or may have never given credence to, but my point was to create an opportunity for people to consider whether or not that was a position they could own.

Growing up well into early adulthood, forgiving was something I did not do easily. I held onto grudges; with or without an apology, but over time I learned how that was only a disservice to my well-being rather than the person that may have wronged me. Even more ashamed, I knew I was wrong to harbor unforgiveness as a woman of faith. This was a struggle that I dealt with until I began to rely on God to assist me in forgiving others because doing it in my own strength at most times was far too difficult.

Now, having those days in my rear-view mirror, I have grown tremendously over the past several years to the point that an apology is no longer necessary for me to forgive anyone, but again, the question stands whether you are able to do so as well?

Psychologists define forgiveness as a “conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” This, of course does not indicate that you are forgetting the offense or dismissing the seriousness, but rather releasing yourself from all the negative feelings attached to the person and to what has transpired. Giving yourself the permission to freely let it go; not for them, but for YOU!

All things considered, when that apology is not extended, I encourage you to exercise the same forgiveness just as if you had received the apology you were deserving of. In recent years, I have been faced with having to forgive someone close to me that never provided the apology that ultimately was due to me; therefore that hindered proper reconciliation because let’s be clear without an apology, it is impossible to reconcile. Reconciliation requires a genuine acknowledgement of any wrongdoing and an apology is essential to the process as it is impossible to have a meaningful relationship in the absence of such. However, if reconciliation is not desired or unfortunately unattainable due to circumstances, it is especially vital to proceed with forgiving and regaining your peace. 

I have said on numerous occasions and will continue to do so as it is my very truth that I am a peace preserver and it is important for me to do whatever it takes (within reason) to ensure that nothing disrupts that. Without peace, you are undeniably like a ship without a sail and unforgiveness should not be the disruption of something so treasurable.

Can you forgive without an apology? Let’s talk about it…